This pussy of mine is begging to be touched and to be played with already. Well, I can do that but I still need some help from a bloke who has a mind full of dirty thoughts that can help me be in the mood for some solo masturbation.

I'm a middle-aged woman who's trying to look for someone who can satisfy me in a variety of extraordinary ways. I want someone who has above-average skills inside the bedroom and who will do everything to keep me from feeling sexually disappointed.

Some people don't like me because I don't smile often. I've been told that I have a mysterious look. I look like I'm up to something even when I'm not. Why people these days so quick to judge?

If you are interested in a woman who can make you laugh through simple jokes and at the same time, who can make your dangly bits hard through simple and slight touches, I'm confident to say that I'm perfect for you.

Pasta vs. Pizza? I love them both, but I'd choose pasta. I like how smooth the pasta's texture is. It's like the texture of a penis, just a little bit softer. But when a penis is full of cum, it's as smooth as the pasta or the condensed milk.

There is no such thing as a perfect gentleman. Guys will always have flaws in them, so it's a total waste of time to look for a man who has everything. I don't care about money, respect, fame, attitude, or other shit like those. All I want is a prope...